The Walmartization of Church

There has been some dialogue over the ‘taking over,” of communities by the expanding mega churches of this world and the subsequent eradication of Mom & Pop churches. I say instead of the churches echoing marketing strategies of Wal Mart, why not just make the natural transition and have a church say between the Gherkins and Cheetos IN the local Wal Mart?

It is an idea whose time has come, really. One-stop shoppers going in for the bundling philosophy have flocked to a McDonald’s / Texaco where all oil needs can be feted. Why not church and the finest retailer in America? Who wouldn’t love to get that spiritual charge while having the tires rotated and eyes examined?

Dave Harrell, long time Wal Mart enthusiast puts it best, “I would just LOVE to tick church off my list while I check out the latest lures. Shoot, you can already get you a haircut and take the kids for a stint in the arcade. Church is ‘bout near the only thang left Wal Mart DON’T provide.”

A strong argument for such a union is the charisma which young, sexy pastors like Ed Young has. He has single-handedly brought back the pearl snap shirt available in every Wal Mart in the country. Like the Kathie Lee brand so famous in the 90’s Wal Mart could easily capitalize on Ed’s good looks and rock star following, bringing him under the name brand tent currently championed by that pesky Mary Kate and Ashley.

Rick Warren, albeit a little lower on the Hottie Scale, still has an immense following which could be leveraged to an even grander proportion. While Wal Mart has sold truckloads of Purpose Driven Books, now the retail giant is considering expansion into a line of Purpose Driven snack foods as well as Purpose Driven Pepsi, allowing followers to even drink with a purpose which answers the question, WWJD? “What would Jesus Drink?

“There is a certain Christocentrism in the yellow smiley face logo. An aura that says, “Come in, we love you just the way you are with your bad dye jobs and painted-on pinky toe nails. Come roam our aisles and put back large briskets in the shoe aisle when you change your mind. It’s okay.” Theologian Fred West says” The numbers are undeniable and what a phenomenal infrastructure!”

While some may be alarmed by the trend there are many true believers out there on the cusp waiting to come to Wal Mart just as they are. (End)