No Family Trip Goes Unpunished
Chimp Haven is a state-of-the-art Northern Louisisana retirement habitat for chimpanzees who have served the medical research community to improve human health. It is one of the largest groups of adult chimpanzees in the country. All of the male chimps are given vascectomies. This spring it was thrust into the national spotlight when an older female, Teresa, emerged from the woods holding a newborn; Baby Tracy.
I had to see for myself. How in a chimp retirement habitat against all "fixed,"odds, Teresa, a chimp in her 40's, emerges from the woods a mother with a precious little baby.
Father Conan was tight-lipped about his role in it all, but as we recently discovered in the case of Anna Nicole Smith, the D.N.A. don't lie. That Conan...who knew the old chimp was such a playa?
With Chimp Haven a mere 20 minutes form Shreveport, we counted down the days until the next monthly visitor day. Undaunted by cooler temps, something propelled us to take the chance to catch a glimpse at the unlikely mother and beautiful Baby Tracy. I could readily envision the memory in the making for my children... a page in the scrapbook at the very least. With the ream of banana stickers I needed to use, I anticipated a wonderful family outing...and so close to town!
With snacks secured in my toilet-seat-sized purse and John driving, I surrendered my Volvo's co-pilot position to my son, Jack. With my daughter stationed in the back, my thought was simply to divide and conquer. Despite the best laid seat arrangements, the whining began before all four seat belts clicked. Maggie Lee was struck down with car sickness as Jack begged for instructions on his Game Boy Game.
As we ventured Southward, John asked if I had picked up the directions....you now, the one he was studying as he map quested the address on the computer.
"No." In a flurry of self-wifeousness..."Didn't you have them last?"
(And we wonder why our children ever get combative with each other?)
"I know, I just wondered if you stuck them in your purse." John explained.
A.) Like there was any ROOM left after the Gatorade, Cheese-Its and bloated pretzel-puffs...and
B.) I remain married to occasionally have someone else locate point B on a map and drive me and my offspring there while I turn OFF my brain and relax.
We wandered down unmarked roads, over the river and through the woods, but no chimpanzees we saw. We were lost in Keithville. It was so bad that John asked for directions. Even the Chimp Haven taped message giving the directions on the was a good 5 minutes long. This place was hard for us to find!
If we just would've continued going past the garage sale which I imagine is a monthly event anyway for the folks on 525, we would've been golden. Maggie Lee was seeing yellow triangles at this point and Jack was pleading for home. But with John at the helm, there was no surrender in sight.
In an unprecedented husbandic maneuver, John rolled down his window at a stop sign to ask a gentleman for directions to Chimp Haven. The house behind this man had dismembered plastic rocking horses swinging from chains in the trees and various strains of yard art. Maggie Lee blurted out,"If this is Chimp Haven, it's a RIP OFF!"
The Ernest Hemingway look-alike didn't live here, he explained, but his brother did. Offering nothing but good luck, which we sorely needed, he waved us on.
Completely humbling himself, my husband pulled over at a restaurant / gas station / live crawfish outlet and approached a man for clues to our puzzle.
"O.K. "John calmly stated as he entered the car,"We go past the garage sale and take a left at the 4-way stop. That guy didn't want to give me directions. I thought he didn't speak English because he looked at me & wouldn't answer for the longest time."
"No," I assured him, "he was just taken aback by your asking."
Confident in our new-found knowledge, there was no denying us now. A few minutes later, we spotted the sign for Chimp Haven and soon were inside the outer gates.
Ever feel like Moses?
We exited the car and were cut in half by the wind. Suddenly my admonition for everyone to grab a jacket seemed insufficient; we needed parkas and mittens. For April, it was extremely cold.
Shivering, we followed the stream of visitors and were passed by a group of hay riders being shuttled to the actual park entrance which did not bode well for us. A few hundred yards later, we were there.
Good humor struck us as we strode along; it was a beautiful habitat, it would be great to see that famous chimp we've read so much about in the paper, they did have a make-shift gift shop. Perhaps this was a good idea after all?
The trees broke and before us was a beautiful little river and woods and grass and...and...now where are the chimps?
Suddenly, the "Born-Free" background music echoing in my head screeched to silence. Did these Chimpanzees not KNOW how hard it was for us to get there? All the way from Shreveport? Did they not realize that I stuffed Tums down my daughter like I was feeding quarters into the Harrah's Casino slots just to make it there? That Clyde the orangutan from,"Every Which Way But Loose," is my husband's all-time favorite actor? Apparently not.
Oh, wait, there was one Chimpanzee. All 40 of us huddled desperately around the one pair of binoculars directly in front of him, waiting for our turn to see him shove his stick down the ant mound for food.
I asked an employee if she had seen Baby Tracy. She chuckled at my naivete. "Oh, no! She took the baby inside hours ago!"
"They're clearly more evolved than we are because we still have our kids out here in the cold." John remarked.
Cold and disappointed, we turned toward the parking lot. More than likely, seeing King Kong wrestle the Loch Ness Monster in a "Don't Mess With Texas," T-Shirt wouldn't have justified that journey to my kids. We did land a spot on the hayride and even though we didn't see Teresa or Baby Tracy, The Chimp Haven Staff and Volunteers were as wonderful as they could have been. The surroundings were amazing and if it had been just a few degrees warmer or a little less windy, it truly would have been a great family adventure.
As we left, John spotted a sign. "Oh look, honey, the next visitor's day is Mother's Day!
Now that we know the way, we can just come back." Perhaps I won't spend Mother's Day that way but we definitely will return to take it all in.
And as unpredictable as life may be with its wrong turns and whipping wind, some journeys are simply better watched on the Discovery Channel.
I had to see for myself. How in a chimp retirement habitat against all "fixed,"odds, Teresa, a chimp in her 40's, emerges from the woods a mother with a precious little baby.
Father Conan was tight-lipped about his role in it all, but as we recently discovered in the case of Anna Nicole Smith, the D.N.A. don't lie. That Conan...who knew the old chimp was such a playa?
With Chimp Haven a mere 20 minutes form Shreveport, we counted down the days until the next monthly visitor day. Undaunted by cooler temps, something propelled us to take the chance to catch a glimpse at the unlikely mother and beautiful Baby Tracy. I could readily envision the memory in the making for my children... a page in the scrapbook at the very least. With the ream of banana stickers I needed to use, I anticipated a wonderful family outing...and so close to town!
With snacks secured in my toilet-seat-sized purse and John driving, I surrendered my Volvo's co-pilot position to my son, Jack. With my daughter stationed in the back, my thought was simply to divide and conquer. Despite the best laid seat arrangements, the whining began before all four seat belts clicked. Maggie Lee was struck down with car sickness as Jack begged for instructions on his Game Boy Game.
As we ventured Southward, John asked if I had picked up the directions....you now, the one he was studying as he map quested the address on the computer.
"No." In a flurry of self-wifeousness..."Didn't you have them last?"
(And we wonder why our children ever get combative with each other?)
"I know, I just wondered if you stuck them in your purse." John explained.
A.) Like there was any ROOM left after the Gatorade, Cheese-Its and bloated pretzel-puffs...and
B.) I remain married to occasionally have someone else locate point B on a map and drive me and my offspring there while I turn OFF my brain and relax.
We wandered down unmarked roads, over the river and through the woods, but no chimpanzees we saw. We were lost in Keithville. It was so bad that John asked for directions. Even the Chimp Haven taped message giving the directions on the was a good 5 minutes long. This place was hard for us to find!
If we just would've continued going past the garage sale which I imagine is a monthly event anyway for the folks on 525, we would've been golden. Maggie Lee was seeing yellow triangles at this point and Jack was pleading for home. But with John at the helm, there was no surrender in sight.
In an unprecedented husbandic maneuver, John rolled down his window at a stop sign to ask a gentleman for directions to Chimp Haven. The house behind this man had dismembered plastic rocking horses swinging from chains in the trees and various strains of yard art. Maggie Lee blurted out,"If this is Chimp Haven, it's a RIP OFF!"
The Ernest Hemingway look-alike didn't live here, he explained, but his brother did. Offering nothing but good luck, which we sorely needed, he waved us on.
Completely humbling himself, my husband pulled over at a restaurant / gas station / live crawfish outlet and approached a man for clues to our puzzle.
"O.K. "John calmly stated as he entered the car,"We go past the garage sale and take a left at the 4-way stop. That guy didn't want to give me directions. I thought he didn't speak English because he looked at me & wouldn't answer for the longest time."
"No," I assured him, "he was just taken aback by your asking."
Confident in our new-found knowledge, there was no denying us now. A few minutes later, we spotted the sign for Chimp Haven and soon were inside the outer gates.
Ever feel like Moses?
We exited the car and were cut in half by the wind. Suddenly my admonition for everyone to grab a jacket seemed insufficient; we needed parkas and mittens. For April, it was extremely cold.
Shivering, we followed the stream of visitors and were passed by a group of hay riders being shuttled to the actual park entrance which did not bode well for us. A few hundred yards later, we were there.
Good humor struck us as we strode along; it was a beautiful habitat, it would be great to see that famous chimp we've read so much about in the paper, they did have a make-shift gift shop. Perhaps this was a good idea after all?
The trees broke and before us was a beautiful little river and woods and grass and...and...now where are the chimps?
Suddenly, the "Born-Free" background music echoing in my head screeched to silence. Did these Chimpanzees not KNOW how hard it was for us to get there? All the way from Shreveport? Did they not realize that I stuffed Tums down my daughter like I was feeding quarters into the Harrah's Casino slots just to make it there? That Clyde the orangutan from,"Every Which Way But Loose," is my husband's all-time favorite actor? Apparently not.
Oh, wait, there was one Chimpanzee. All 40 of us huddled desperately around the one pair of binoculars directly in front of him, waiting for our turn to see him shove his stick down the ant mound for food.
I asked an employee if she had seen Baby Tracy. She chuckled at my naivete. "Oh, no! She took the baby inside hours ago!"
"They're clearly more evolved than we are because we still have our kids out here in the cold." John remarked.
Cold and disappointed, we turned toward the parking lot. More than likely, seeing King Kong wrestle the Loch Ness Monster in a "Don't Mess With Texas," T-Shirt wouldn't have justified that journey to my kids. We did land a spot on the hayride and even though we didn't see Teresa or Baby Tracy, The Chimp Haven Staff and Volunteers were as wonderful as they could have been. The surroundings were amazing and if it had been just a few degrees warmer or a little less windy, it truly would have been a great family adventure.
As we left, John spotted a sign. "Oh look, honey, the next visitor's day is Mother's Day!
Now that we know the way, we can just come back." Perhaps I won't spend Mother's Day that way but we definitely will return to take it all in.
And as unpredictable as life may be with its wrong turns and whipping wind, some journeys are simply better watched on the Discovery Channel.
Labels: Car Trips
posted by Jinny Henson @ 9:06 PM
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